The last couple days have made me realize I need to do one of two things, or even maybe both. Either get a job or run away for a few days. I would love to run away somewhere, anywhere right now but not exactly sure where it would be. Vegas has crossed my mind, but I can't find any friends that are available. 'Frisco is a plan...I have friends there but they have kids and part of my issue is that I'm at the end of my rope with family and babies. Maybe I'll just find a hole somewhere and hide for a bit.

Two incidents have pushed me to this edge...

One is Shan and the kids. I love them dearly, as any regular reader here knows. But Shan, on the less than complimentary side, is not very energetic. She is from the school of "If I ignore it long enough, someone else will take care of it". And we have, maybe too much. Alex, for example, is still not registered and does not have a birth certificate. Yup, it's well past the deadline but getting her to do it is like trying to make a cactus grow into a rose.

The night before last, Hayley's birthday, she phoned and asked if they could come for a visit. Little did I know that the 'visit' would be at 9pm and was basically a set up so that she could watch Law and Order. She and her sister arrived with two very cranky kids and promptly went off duty. Shan grabbed a Gameboy, a blanket and curled up on the couch. Jamie went to my fridge, made a few crude comments about my lack of 'name brand' pizza. Meanwhile, I set to looking after Hayley. She wanted to watch a movie, so I went to put it on and was told 'Go upstairs. We're watching TV'. Um, this is MY house, is it not?????? But we did. I figured I could get Hayley calmed down and relaxed, and hopefully she would fall asleep in my bed. This did not happen. We got upstairs, however, Lex was screaming. Not a little cry, mind you, but bellowing. For about 20 min. Finally, I came downstairs to find him shaking and crying while laying on the couch. His Mom engrossed in a computer game.

'What's his problem?' I asked.

'Oh, I don't know. But I've had enough of him today', was the reply.

So I picked him up and started walking with him. Within 5 minutes, the little guy was smiling and cooing contentedly in my arms. He started to fall asleep as I rocked him and you could feel his little body relax. Meanwhile, Hayley was getting wound up again. She had climbed to the top of my refrigerator and was going through the cupboards. I started reasoning with her, again knowing that reason and three-year-olds don't really mix. Somehow I ended up with this story about it being against the law to open cupboards after it's dark outside. Yeah, I know it wasn't perfect, but it was 10:30! I was tired, so was she.

The comment I get from the comatose peanut gallery?

'Gee, Auntie Sue, that's the best you can come up with. You don't have very good parenting skills.'

Pardon Me????? I'm not the one popping them out, and you can rest assured that if I did, I'd be a damned site more grateful than her about it.

Long story short, they left soon after. Conversations since have been, um, strained.

Which leads me to the #2 reason I want to run away. My Mom and My Aunt. They make the WWE's tag team look tame.

They've been taken to calling me about a dozen times a day. For no reason. Just a hi, how are you. The odd 'How's the job hunt going?' thrown in for aggravation. Thing is I haven't been feeling great yet but she won't hear it. If I say I'm not great, it leads to far too many questions and it's just easier to say fine, and get the lecture about lying.

Today my Crohn's has been particularly enjoyable, to put it lightly, so I've been reading a lot of 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader'. The phone rang at 3:00 and it was my Aunt. I was indisposed. At 3:02, she called my cell. At 3:05, my Mom called. Again, I let it go to voicemail.

At 3:09, my Mom phones again. I answer finally.

'Where were you?', she demanded.

'In the bathroom, why?'

'Well, your Aunt has been trying to call you to invite you for dinner. And you did not answer. She was worried.'

Dammit, people, can I NOT have some private time? Groan.

'When's dinner?'

'Sunday night. She's ordering in Chinese'.

Queue thoughts of my Aunt ordering the food, yelling into the phone because she can't hear and they don't speak English. Then pacing the floor for the next 40 minutes while it comes. Once it arrives, she puts it into dishes and puts it in a low oven for another 30 minutes to 'warm it up'.

Then we have to eat crispy, over cooked MSG-ridden fast-food-style Chinese take-out. Followed by a night of pain as my delicate little digestive system doesn't really care for the choice.

'Um, sorry. I'm busy, Mom. It's Oscars. I'm going to watch it somewhere, don't know where yet'.

Her response? 'You can't tell her that! You'll hurt her feelings. Oh, it's like you are saying you got a better offer'.

What offer? I haven't technically had HER offer yet.

'Mom, I like to watch the Oscars with my friends. We do it every year. We just haven't decided where yet this year. Why is that so wrong?'

'It's not wrong, it's just disrespectful. Your Aunt wants you to come to dinner and you're bowing out because of a television show?'

So now, it's 4pm. If I don't call within a few minute, the calls are going to start again. And they wonder why I'm not destressed yet. It wasn't work that was stressing me out, I know that now!

Argh. I can't win. I need to book a flight to 'Anywhere but here-ville'!!!!!

update: I just called my Aunt. Forget Mr. Magoo, I have Aunt Magoo.

'I'm sorry but I won't be able to make it Sunday. I'm going to Leigh's to watch the Oscars'.
'You're watching who?'
'The Oscars'.
'Who's Oscar?'
'Not who, what. The award show'.
'Oh, I've not heard of that. Whatever. You do what you want.'

I GIVE UP!!!!!!