July 27, 2005
Ya know, if life didn't have enough stresses on it's own, people and their idiotic perceptions make it worse. It has been a tough week, well a tough few weeks but it builds character, right?

I am very angry right now, and feeling out of sorts, so in some respect I probably shouldn't be blogging to the entire world. I try not to let my emotions get the better of me but I am human. Not a happy human at the moment though.

For the past few weeks, I have been enjoying the company of a few people at work. This new job has been a windfall in finding people with like interests, that included me as if I had always been there.

Having Todd in Iraq makes it rather difficult a lot of times and I do find myself getting lonely. It's strange how I was by alone for so long, yet now that he is in my life, I find myself feeling like part of me is not here. It's strange, considering he's never has even set foot in my house, but there is the distinct feeling that he belongs here somehow.

So I've been going out for dinner a lot more with the people from work, and in particular one guy, we shall code name Guy Down The Hall (GDTH). I was up front with him from the beginning that Todd was my priority and that I was not looking for 'that' kind of company. But he didn't seem like that. We began to build a pretty good friendship. He was teaching me to golf, had even come over to my house to help fix my computer a couple times, and many lunches and dinners. We talked a lot. He's a nice enough guy, if not a little full of himself. Even if I wasn't involved with Todd, I wouldn't have been attracted. He's just plainly not my type.

Well, it's no secret that Todd and I have had a rough patch. We are coming out of it now, a little stronger that we anticipated and GDTH knew it. He seemed supportive, although a little condescending about me waiting 'for a dream' (his words, not mine). Todd did know I was making friends and knew about GDTH as someone who had become a good friend.

Fast forward to last Thursday night. GDTH asked if I wanted to catch some all-u-can-eat sushi after a company soccer match. I agreed and we went. Just like we had done a bazillion times before. But it was odd. He was very much on himself, and ranted about women in general. How most will lie and manipulate to get what they want. That he most girls he'd ever dated ended up being psychos and I heard in quite graphic detail the level of some of his encounters. I did try to change the subject, to add my two cents but he was clearly on some sort of agenda, so I let him rant. Figured he must be having some sort of issues with some female friend of his. At one point, he went into this tirade about women cheating. I said considering I knew the other side of that, I would never do such a thing. He looked at me and said 'Given the right circumstance, you would'. Thought that was odd, but let it go.

The bill came and he insisted on paying. I had my money out on the table but he wouldn't take it. Fair enough. I was tired, I didn't feel like arguing. I thanked him and left.

Friday came and I ended up with a severe migraine that kept me more or less bedridden until Sunday. Didn't see him Monday. Not unusual. Our office is in the midst of reconstruction so we are all out of place this week.

On Tuesday morning, I got an email from his administrative assistant (who I am also friends with) asking me to go for coffee right away. So I went, thinking she must be having problems again which we often chat about.

Imagine my surprise when she hits me with his story. He apparently has decided (deluded?) for himself that I have...gawd, I can't even say this without fury...become emotionally attached to him. That I somehow am pining after him and he doesn't know how to push me away. That he is 'tired of having to turn down every girl he tries to befriend'. What a freakin' prince.

He apparently told quite a few people in the group that he felt 'very uncomfortable' around me and that he tried on Thursday to let me down gently by talking about his ex-girlfriends but I wouldn't take the hint. I am horrified to say the least.

Every time we have had dinner or what have you, it has been his call. I have not ONCE asked him. I had, or at least though I had, been crystal clear that my man is in Iraq, and that's where my interest lies.

At first I was embarrassed, and a little humiliated. I'm past all this 12-year old, high school crap. But now I'm just completely angry. We had to walk out to another part of the facility yesterday afternoon, after all this came to light and it was just the two of us. I decided to start the ball rolling and said 'You know what, GDTH? Todd and I are very much together. You may have misinterpreted that, but I just need you to know where I stand'. He said nothing but continued on the tour of the plant.

When he returned, he apparently told his admin. that I had practically blurted out my situation with Todd as if I was trying to cover something. I am floored!!!

I am now past angry. This is just not cool. I am on a 6 month contract, and while I love this job, I am not prepared to take this kind of misinterpreted, poorly perceived issues on my reputation. Given that I may have a chance to see Todd in September (more on that on another post), it was all I could do not just to say screw it today and walk out.

The last 48 hours I have gone through our interactions to the best of my recollection, and there has not been one time that I can remember where he could have misinterpreted my situation. There was one time, when Todd called when we were out for dinner and I missed the ringing. I tried to pick it up and it had already gone to voicemail. I lightly said 'Oh he'll call back.' because I didn't want it to seem like a big deal. I am always deeply disappointed when I miss a call, and I usually keep that as quiet as I can. I am a fairly close to the vest person. My blogging is my outlet. I don't let a lot of people into my emotional side, so I didn't feel it appropriate. That is the only time, though, that I can recall ever being nonchalant, or some way could have been misinterpreted.

I plan to discuss with him in the next day or so, as soon as an opportunity presents itself that does not lend to more idle gossip. Unfortunately, I am more than peeved at the moment, and my anger would not be appropriate. I need to simmer down enough to deal with this in a calm manner, lest he add me to his list of 'psycho girls' he's needed to 'put down gently'.

Dude, seriously, you ain't all that and a bag of chips. Now, Todd on the other hand, is that and then some.

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer, who looks forward to a better Canada. I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.

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