I am emotionally and physically exhausted tonight but wanted to update our lives a bit. For those you that read every day (which, by the way, THANK you very much for the support as it is extremely appreciated), but also to keep a bit of a log of what's going on so hopefully I can look back on this in a few months time and be thankful of how far things have come. Oh, I so hope that will be how I look on this.

Ron had yet another attack today. This one was a bit more serious than the one yesterday, but not as serious as the main event. He's now on oxygen, but is in good spirits otherwise. He has always had a great wit and it's fantastic to see him not losing that.

Today's attack happened just as my parents were leaving. He felt the pain come, but didn't want to alarm my Mom so he just pretended he needed to sleep. This is one of the most frustrating things my family does...we get so worried about worrying the others that all of us have been guilty of hiding things to protect each other. It serves no purpose and it's a major pet peeve of mine. However, I know I've done it as well, but it really is a useless thing to do. Once Mom and Dad left, he said to his wife 'Get the nurse now.' in a very quiet, very controlled voice, which Sandi said freaked her out more than anything.

3 shots of nitro and the oxygen got things righted again. By the time we saw him about 90 minutes later, he was much more relaxed but is very tired. They figure part of the problem is the visitor stream. He has now been put on 'family only' visits, but like I mentioned to the nurse, with a large family like ours, that's not much of a help. So for now, it will just be his kids, me, and my parents allowed. But having said that, I think I will try to avoid going for now and just try and more be 'soft support'. Like looking after the babies so Shan can go instead, or whatever else I can do. Besides, I brought him my Gameboy tonight so that should be good for him for a bit.

Hell...I am just so unbelieveably tired tonight. I have a massive headache, feel nauseated and I'm scared. I feel like if I even let go of this tough exterior, this little-miss-fix-it persona for a second, I will completely lose it and end up in the fetal position rocking back and forth.

Obviously, he hasn't been moved to the other hospital. There are no beds available and no room to do the test. They have him pencilled in on Monday but again, there are no guarantees. This is the most frustrating part of our medical system. Just too much demand and not enough supply. The person in the neighbouring bed was in 9 days before his angiogram, and the new guy in the other bed was in Emergency for 3 days before being transferred. The chilling part today was that the other hospital phoned today to see if he was still in the hospital and still in need of the test. At first, we thought it was great they called until we thought about it a little more and realized the reason they were wondering if he didn't need the test anymore, and it wasn't that they thought he'd gone home. Urgh. Not a nice thought.

But in fantastic news, all my brothers have gone to visit today. It's worth mentioning because of all the drama we have in the family. We really don't see each other and it's been at least 3 years since it's happened. Sometimes, the most terrible situations have a funny way of making us take stock and realize how important life is. Trivial stuff just does not matter.