June 09, 2005
And the pendulum swings...
Well, this has been a challenging week to say the least. Todd and I had a disagreement that morphed into something that it never should have been.

The end result, after much emotional strife, is that we will be fine. I really wasn't sure. In fact, I truly thought it was all over.

Long distance relationships are never easy. This is not my first such romance. I dated someone from South Africa and another from England. My friends like to tease me that at least I've picked the right continent this time. Funny, considering where he is now....

It was a couple of incidents. One I blogged about, the other was a little more private, but it picked at an old scab I had thought was healed over. Apparently, he has that same scab so we both bolted and cowered away from it like wounded animals. I got my back up, and began to shut down. He did the same.

Unfortunately, if this relationship didn't have enough dramatic issues in itself, we both have been through some pretty deeply punishing pasts that make us both a little reticent to trust again.

After some pretty hurtful words, we both took 5 days silence. Tonight that was broken. There were a lot of tears, a lot of apologetic reactions, and well, I think I can now breathe a little easier knowing that what happened was a simple miscommunication, made more difficult by the situation. If he were here, this would have never gotten to this point and I think it's just another lesson in believing what we have is strong and real. We both need to trust in that a little more.

Each time we reach another level, we both seem to want to fight it a bit. Almost like a defence mechanism, I guess. I want to believe so much in what we have...he does too. But in the end, we both run scared when things get too real. I suspect, unfortunately, that this will not be the last time we have a little bump but hopefully, next time we will both remember this and learn.

I'll breathe a little better tonight, and maybe, with luck, one day I'll actually get to exhale.

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer, who looks forward to a better Canada. I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.

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