July 28, 2005
Playing in the sandbox
Thanks, all for your great advice regarding the work situation and GDTH. It has not yet resolved itself, but will shortly. I know what needs to be done - the opportunity just needs to present itself.

So, on that note, it's time to give a little update on the boy in the sand. I've alluded to our difficult times lately. Distance is never easy. There are always misunderstandings, the wrong tone in a comment, or just pure frustration from being apart. For Todd and I, we have only just begun to know each other. There is still much we are learning. When I got this new job, it curtailed a bit of our conversation time. I wasn't able to take calls during the day at work, which was his evening. So his regular time of calling was no longer an option. He's not an email kinda guy - I'm lucky if I get a couple words - so it took a little bit of a toll on us. It was slow, and neither of us really understood the impact in the beginning.

We would drift apart a bit, and then when finally we were able to connect, it was harsh, rushed and often left us more confused than before. About two months ago, I found out he was in singles chat rooms on the internet. I was extremely hurt by it, and felt betrayed. I couldn't tell him, though. Not at that time, so I just became withdrawn instead. Looking back now, I realize that was not the most productive way to handle it.

I won't go into details of that, but suffice to say, it is no longer an issue. Finally a few weeks ago, I lost control on the phone and let it all out. He put his back up as well, and suffice to say, we had our first serious fight as a couple. I guess it's something that needs to happen in every relationship, but ours just had the added advantage of having to pay the long distance charges to boot.

We have since been very open with each other and have reached a somewhat improved level of communication. It could have ended there, and I think some of my friends & family had hoped that it would. That somehow I would see the folly in our challenging situation, and I would finally move on. The heart, however, is a funny beast. It does what it wants, and what it knows it needs.

It meant the world to me when I realized that he was as serious about making this work as I was. This was no folly to him either. He and I detailed a lot of our baggage and we were ready to get to that next level.

Now, it was nearing the end of his deployment term. The batallion he is with has been returning home over the last few weeks, and some have been home since June. He wouldn't tell me what was going on at first, but he had been offered the opportunity to re-enlist with the new group and stay for another term. He was in a quandry. He dearly misses his little girl at home, and was scared that I would walk away if he chose to stay. That he'd be throwing away everything we had worked for.

To be honest, I was disappointed when I first heard but I asked him a single question - 'Will you regret it if you come home now?'. He was silent for about 5 seconds and then said, quietly, 'Yes'. He feels that the project he is working on is going very well, and that he has much to offer an incoming team. Fair enough, I heard myelf saying, your decision is my decision. We're a team. Whatever this may mean, I know that I am in this for the long haul.

So, he signed the papers the next day. He will now be staying until April 2006. He will be coming back to Colorado for 2 weeks in September, but it is uncertain whether I will be able to see him at that time. The powers-that-be have only accepted his re-enlistment this week, so much is still new and unknown. I know he has a lot to do in those 2 weeks he is home, including rebonding with his daughter and I respect that. And I am caught in a quandry because I have no holidays with this new job - of course, given my mood yesterday, I could have just walked. Although I know that thought is fueled by my frustration at possibly not being able to see him until next year. It may be 22 months in between our reunion and that's a bitter pill to swallow.

It's funny. Part of me is definitely disappointed that I won't be able to see him soon, given that my whole plan was to work through this contract and then take an extended time to be with him once he was home. But a bigger part of me, one that surprises me to some degree, is incredibly proud of his choice and I can't help but feel this is the right path.

So...it looks like it'll be another lonely winter. But when it's right in your heart, you do what you need to do.

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer, who looks forward to a better Canada. I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.

This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from cdnsue. Make your own badge here.

Steal this button and link to me!
Turning thirty and a half
  • July 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006

  • The WeatherPixie