I wrote back on July 14 about the torn cartilage in my knee. At the time, I was told I would eventually have to see an orthopaedic surgeon but was to see my doctor again at the end of August to discuss it.

Nothing moves that quickly in the medical world, especially if you're not about to keel over from it.

It's not really improved at all and now 8 weeks since the initial injury, I am still hobbling about and have taken to having it lock up and throw me off balance more than I'd like to admit. The last two weeks it seems to have deteriorated to some degree and I find I've lost my confidence on staircases and anything more than a few steps.

So it was back to the GP today for an update. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, but a fairly embarassing thing happened in the waiting room. When my name was called, I went to stand up, the damned knee locked and I fell. Splat, right in front of everyone including my doctor who was coming out of an examining room.

Suffice to say, she took it quite seriously. I am now relegated to crutches and she was on the phone with the surgeon when I left the office. It looks like the laproscopy will be sooner, rather than later.

From what I gather, I guess it's not a huge surgery as far as these things go, but I'm nervous. I live by myself and my parents aren't well. I don't do well asking for help. And of course, my job is still tenuous and I am concerned I may jeopardize it by having to take time off when I'm still just a temporary employee.

But the truth is, I can't deal with it as it is now. I am in agony with each step. More than a few still leaves me breathless and nauseated. Watching other people with torn cartilage issues, they seem to be able to at least command a certain level of normalcy that I can't. They can stand up without wincing, and seem to be able to manage stairs without grabbing on like it's a rollercoaster.

I guess I'm just scared tonight. It's getting underneath my skin, but I know I don't really have a choice here. I can't keep up being incapacitated to the level I'm at now. I just hope that whatever the course, it happens quickly now.