As expected, I am not feeling very well today. It has been a little on the discomforting side, but I guess that's to be expected.

I came into work today for the 10am meeting, which ended up going a completely different direction than I thought. And from that moment on, my phone never stopped ringing nor my door unrevolving. I was completely exhausted by the end of the day.

Unfortunately, the news from my doctor didn't resolve my fears. After the serious incident in 2003 that nearly cost me my life from a dental appointment, I have been understandably cautious. By the time I ended up in hospital then, I had developed sepsis and very nearly did not make it. I don't say this lightly, and it's something that never leaves my mind. Since that time, I have definitely looked at life in a much more appreciative way. However, because of that situation, I am no longer able to take antibiotics. So when situations develop like this, it starts to cause a level of anxiety that I have difficulty controlling.

I called my doctor to get confirmation that I could take the antibiotics in this situation. I fully expected her to call me back and tell me to stop being melodramatic and overreacting. That did not happen. She agreed that I had no option but to take the prescription, but that it makes her very concerned. She has forwarded my file to the local hospital's emergency and given word to the Infectious Diseases doctor that I may have complications. I have his number and if at any time, I develop any of the symptoms I did in 2003, I must go to the nearest hospital immediately. Nothing like freaking me out just that little bit more.

So how easy was it to pop those pills? Knowing that they could cause me to develop life-threatening complications? Not so easy at all. It took me until nearly 3pm to gather the courage to take them and even then, I had them in my hand several times before I chickened out.

I really hate this feeling of everything always going wrong. Not to mention, most people have a very hard time accepting that I'm not some hypochondriac. This new job, of course, involves all new people who really just don't know how to take me. I was called 'Linus' today - 'A little black cloud hangs over your head all the time, doesn't it?' and by another person, a comment to the effect of 'Are you ever well?' Nothing like being kicked when you're down. I try to keep to myself as much as possible, and keep a smile on my face the rest of the time, but it's difficult. All I want to do is crawl into a hole and sleep for a week, but that's not a possibility.

Looking at the positive, these past few months of headaches may be directly related to this bone infection. Now that it's been taken care of, I can only hope that my health will greatly improve now.

I just have to remember that tomorrow will be a better day. And the one after that, better still.