January 25, 2005
The wheel keeps on turning...
Another day done, but today was just a little brighter. I realized today that it was actually still LIGHT when I left work. Only for about 15 minutes, but still, the days are definitely getting longer! I have never been a winter person. But there's something about getting up and driving to work in the dark, and then driving home after work in the dark. I work with my back to the window so I don't really see the day, and after a while it feels like I never see the daylight except on weekends. I could never be a nightshift person. I would go mad!

Work was, well, like a mausoleum. It's feeling like they took the heart out of our team. I am seeing a little clearer today that it truly looks like R. took it for the team. He wrote himself out in such a way as to leave us a little safer, and that's something I will always respect him for. Actually, I ended up writing him an email to let him know how I felt. I don't really do resolutions as such, but I do try to improve certain things in my life when I see them. The one I'm working on now is to let people know what I feel, for good and bad. I figure if I'm thinking it, it should be said.

In other work news, I got my performance review from my boss today. He's such a weak little man, such a shadow compared to the other guy. The way we do our reviews is somewhat drawn out. I did my self-assessment two weeks ago, then today he gave me his response. On Monday we will meet to go over where we don't agree. So far, I've got a couple big ones. I am trying to work out the most effective manner to mediate them. The review overall, is pretty damned fine, actually. He acknowledges all the crap I've negotiated through during the year, along with the tight deadlines and there's quite a few good comments like 'goes the extra mile.', 'reputation of getting the job done no matter what the obstacle', etc. But it's the shit sandwich part. You know, sandwich the positives with the negatives and make everyone all happy. My negative? That I get sick. I am really not sure how to handle that one. It's such an Achilles' Heel to me. I am very sensitive to my ill health, and taking a day off to me is a failure. So I don't. His comment is that I make everyone feel uncomfortable because they know I don't feel good and they don't know what to say. huh-wha?? Oh, gee, dude, sorry my pain is causing you embarrassment! I'm not really sure what he wants me to say! He went on to say that I have consistently met deadlines and not missed any goals, but that he wants me to improve on my health. Yeah, you and me both! I just don't get it. I am at such a loss! I realize I'm close to it, but what other employee would be working on a report while in a hospital bed? I am hurt over it. I know I'm taking it too personally but how else should I take it? I just do NOT get it or what I can do about it. So, I'm going to call him on it on Monday...I need ideas of how to word it, but I'm going to just make it clear that as long as I am not missing my goals and am consistently putting work above my health, I do not want that in the review!

In other news, my brother had some scary news with his older dog today. We're big dog lovers in this family. My parents even owned a kennel when I was a kid. We showed poodles and basset hounds. So growing up, it was nothing for us to have 6-7 dogs living in the house at any given time. So now we all have dogs...most of us have rescued our babies and they're just like our kids. Anyway, Rick's eldest, Maggie was diagnosed with congestive heart failure today. She's 17 but was born as a runt, with a heart problem and was given only a few week's to live then. She has had an amazing little life. Maggie weighs MAYBE 2 lbs., if that (she's a cocker-poo) but has more attitude than a pit bull on 'roids. She has been run over 4 times, attacked and chomped by dogs more than once, stolen and recovered and all the time, ruled the roost in that house. This morning, my sis-in-law woke up to find her barely breathing. Rushed to the vets, she was given medicine and is expected to pull through for the next few weeks, anyhow. Now I wish I could run down Deb's comments about the episode, because my SIL has a wickedly dark sense of humour but it's not going to nearly come out like it should. Deb said 'So I just told her, Maggie May....I just spent $200 on you and well, I just don't have the extra $300 it would take to stuff you after, so you are just going to have to hold on'. She went on to say she was going to stuff her, and then get a little thing put on her paw so when she pushed it, Maggie would either shake and vibrate, or sing 'How much is that doggy in the window?' Yeah, sick to some, sure, but it made us laugh!

Their new boxer baby arrives this weekend. Patch is just 7 weeks old now, and is now on her way to them. I just hope Maggie's not too ill for this to be a bad transition starting out.

I haven't heard in Todd in such a long time now. Over a week. Yeah, I knew it was bound to happen as he transitions around the big Sandbox, but knowing it and dealing with it are two different animals! I read the milblogs and it makes me wish he was more of a computer guy, but I'm lucky if I get a one liner email! He said he's gonna work on it, but you're either into emailing or you're not. And well, he's just not. I was reading about those yellow ribbon magnets for cars, but I'm not sure where you get them. I know I can't buy 'em here, but not sure where in the States I'd have to go. There must be somewhere online, I guess...anyone have any ideas where I could get one?

Looks like the Boston terror threat was another hoax. No surprise there. It was just too bizarre and smelled way off. I can only imagine how many would-be theorists they must get, calling with crazy stories after reading some old Tom Clancy novel. I am just surprised this one even got attention.

Random weird thought....what ever happened to Andrew Dice Clay? I googled him but it seems after he freaked out on CNN during an interview in November, 2003. Nada. Yeah, he was crass but I had to admit I kinda thought he was funny at times. I loved Ford Fairlaine....great movie.

And wow, 1 month since the Tsunami. Seems like such a quick month, but I guess not if you're there. I read on the weekend where they found a survivor stranded 25 days on a small island after being washed up by the waves. He was the sole survivor on the island. Take THAT, Mark Burnett! That dude deserves his $1M and more! But, no doubt, someone's already selling his story and trying to figure out who going to play him in the movie.

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer, who looks forward to a better Canada. I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.

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Turning thirty and a half
  • July 2004
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