I just got a call from the surgeon's office regarding my knee.

The nurse said 'Are you sitting down?'

Well, yeah...can't bloody walk, so of course I am.

My appointment to be seen by the surgeon, for a consult no less - not the actual operation is...

Are you ready?

March 10, 2006

192 DAYS from now! Nearly 8 MONTHS of not being able to walk - and that's just to be seen! I heard the issues with non-life threatening problems was beyond ridiculous but that is just beyond incredible. How can our government actually consider this an acceptable situation?

What are my options? Slim to none. To go private, $5,000. Not gonna happen. The nurse said if I wanted to have some physio and rehab to learn to walk with a cane, they would help with that.

But hey, at least if it is life-threatening, you get care. This morning I went for an ultrasound to ensure the colon is not perforated.

Unfortunately, I am very scared and emotional today. I have been unable to control my emotions - which is something I can usually keep locked away. But today, my fears are right under the surface and I am just a mess.

My family is on holidays out of town and I called my niece on her cell, but couldn't even speak. I was almost hysterical, which didn't help matters. Poor kid didn't need THAT on her holidays and I am feeling badly I called. It is just difficult to manage on your own sometimes. I don't have the energy to get to the store and the trip to the hospital this morning wore me out.

I keep reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over again. It is just a bad day today, and I have to keep believing that tomorrow will be better.

I am just so dogtired of being sick for what seems like forever. It has been one thing after another since last October and I am tired. And I am frightened of not knowing if it will ever get better. If I will ever have a normal life.

Ugh, this is such a depressing post. Sorry 'bout that.