Don't you just love those friends who tell you straight up when you're being a freak? That's what I love about Leigh. Most times. Well, unless she strikes a nerve...then it's a whole different ballgame.

V-Day is here. You can't get away from it. It's on TV, it's on the radio, it's every-FREAKIN'-where!

These last few days, I have been anything but upbeat. Talking to Leigh, I thought to myself, damn it, I'm just going to say what's bugging me. Valentines Day. How profound, I thought, actually ADMITTING that I hate being single. And especially now, I've got this great guy (I hope!) except that he's in a bloody warzone. This year feels especially close to the surface.

Her response? 'You're a goldfish'

Hu-wah? A what?

A goldfish.

Apparently, every year at this time, I have the same conversation with her. Each time, feeling equally profound and honest, I bear my soul to her that I hate not having that special someone in my life.

Really? Do I really have the memory of a goldfish? Am I 10-Second Tommy?

Oh, nice, a rock in my bowl. Oh, look, someone put a rock in bowl. Hey, look a rock!

So...I started looking back at some old journals:

February 14, 1984 - Me and Jody are not speaking. For how long I don’t know. He says I stopped talking to him but because I like him so much, I said we stopped talking to each other. In science, our dissected fish had worms and Mark B made fish inerd pattie and top it off with caviar. It's Slave Day and was awful. Scott Laird said he’d be my slave but he didn’t show.

Who was the wicked school administrator that decided that Slave Day would be fun on Valentines' Day? I suspect Slave Day isn't done anymore either, these days.

February 14, 1985 - Well, I’ve been ‘single’ for 2 weeks. J and I broke up February 1 and in these last 2 weeks, we’ve cried, hated, loved, envied, got severely jealous. It’s been –ugh-. On the day we broke up, I spent the morning in the medical room thowing up. J came in and we kissed goodbye twice. He held me and I’m sure I saw tears in his eyes. I was a basket case. The afternoon I stayed home. Over this I have lost 10 lbs and now weigh 88 lbs.
But now I noticed I had a crush on Rob Devries. J didn’t like this and called me a slut in front of Rob. I could have killed him, but then I thought I could see his point. We’d only been broken up for a week so I laid off. Is Valentines Day ever going to go ok for me?

But the next year was better, except that I cringe reading it now. Tom was 19 (drinking age with a car!) and I was 16. Let's just say my parents were not pleased by this earring-wearing free spirit as much as I was:

February 14, 1986 - It is Valentines's Day! Tom showed up at 7:30pm and he had a red carnation. I nearly cried. I wasn't expecting anything. We went and hung out at the mall. I bought 'Rock Me Amadeus' on 45. We walked through the mall and saw J. I wonder if he's jealous of me. We went back to Tom's car and drank beer until my stomach felt shitty. I'm sure it was excitement. Then we went to the movie 'Down and Out In Beverly Hills' but spent most of the time 'cleaning each others teeth'. I luv him so much!

Nice metaphor, not!

A few years later and I was with my 10-year life drain. This one was from 1990.

Jason and I exchanged gifts today. I got him ACDC CD's, tickets to the Canucks, a pound of chocolates from Purdy's and dinner at Tivoli's. He got me a box of Smarties. Then we spent the evening watching the Faces of Death videos and his friends came over to play video games. I watched them until midnight and then went home.

Then we skip to 1999, when my boyfriend was living in South Africa and I was here. We were engaged at the time and he had planned on moving here soon after.

I'm very heavy hearted today, but not much I can do. I called Q at around noon his time. He was still sleeping from the night shift. Some girl named Kirsten was in the background. Apparently she's just a friend. I am not getting good spidey-senses from it, but he promised me he'll be here soon. He wasn't able to send anything for Valentine's Day as he's been working too much, but he did get my package of gifts. Mom and Dad took me for dinner, and Aunt Joe sent me flowers.

Bad enough you realize your fiance is cheating on you on Valentine's Day, but at 29, your best gifts come from your parents and Aunt, it's a bit of a slap.

Anyway, suffice to say, I have to admit I am a goldfish. Leigh was right.