So those who frequent the milblogs likely know this, but CaliValley's guy is ok. Tough, long day for her. I'm glad she had friends around her that could support her when she needed it.

I've been blogging about how Todd has been different lately. Angry, tense, not himself. I even let it all get to me the other day, but never for even a second did it occur to me to remove myself from this situation. I'm way past the last exit on this one.

Well, he finally was able to talk about it last night. We had a very long heart-to-heart. Likely the longest conversation since he arrived in the Sandbox. He was recently in a convoy that was attacked. It was close. No one was hurt, but it was just way too close. I don't know the entire details but even if I did, I know better than to post them here.

It brought a lot flashing through his mind. Things he didn't think bothered him came back. Crawled into his brain and wouldn't leave.

It explains much. The phonecalls where he would just ask me to talk about anything. He took my advice though, and had a talk with some of the support people there. I knew he was limited in what he could say to me, and although I would do all I could, without details, I was limited too. They've given him a 3-day leave to decompress. He was most excited about the fact he could have a beer. 'It's not like I need alcohol, but I just miss the taste of a cold beer.'

This is a learning experience for me. I am thankful for getting into blogging, because it has helped me so much on how to be there for him like I want -need- to be there for him. He said to me "I don't know why you picked me to be in your life, but I am so glad you did." Such a strange comment. I wouldn't see it that way at all...more like what does he see in me?

I talked to my Mom today about how her brother was after he returned from WWII. She had mentioned once about his 'shell shock', as it was called in those days. There was an incident a few months after he returned that showed how much he was carrying around. He was walking down the stairs in the house when his wife tossed some laundry down at him. It hit him in the head and he freaked. Started screaming, and dove to the floor with his hands over his head. Soon after, he stopped speaking about the war altogether and gave his medals away.

I just wish I could be there more for Todd. I do what I can, but words only go so far. I called my travel agent today and told her to start figuring out costs for me to get to the base when he comes home. I intend to be there. It's the least I can do.