I last wrote about Todd's redeployment late last month and his subsequent decision to remain in Iraq until next April.

Haven't said a lot on here since then, partially because I don't know where to begin. The last two weeks have opened up a side of things that I was blind to, and I've felt often overwhelmed. Hence, the downer posts for the last little while.

I'm still not really sure where to begin, but I'll try. For the last 13 months, I have supported him in every way possible. I made a promise that I would not leave him while he was deployed and that I would be there for him. I meant it. I only asked him for honesty.

I have ensured mail call was never missed, and have sent him countless cards, letters, cd's, dvd's and even a Gameboy and MP3 player. He seemed to return the favour with almost daily phonecalls that would leave my heart singing.

When he chose to stay, he was given the opportunity to return home to the US for two weeks in September. At first, I thought, I would give him this time with his daughter but as I started to think about it, I felt it was important for us to at least see each other briefly before he was redeployed. I looked into flights and found while they were expensive, I could do it and planned to go for a couple of days. Of course, having no time from my job, it would mean possibly jeopardizing my chance of going from contract to permanent. But it would be worth it, right? Small price to pay for someone who had my heart.

I got the flights figured out and when he called the next night, I asked him what he thought. The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening and it was pretty obvious he was looking for some sort of cover. That night I received an email from him asking me not to come 'this time', as his (ex) wife was also taking the time off work. Apparently, the ex is not so ex.

I guess I should have seen it, and I feel like such a fool. I am an idiot for not realizing that he had played me, burning his candle at both ends. He is not the person I thought he was. I went into this with a true heart, and while it was complicated, I wanted to believe he did too. I am a fool.

We have not spoken in nearly 2 weeks. I have nothing to say. 13 months wasted on someone who did not deserve what I had to offer. However, I must find the silver lining in everything and if one thing has come out of this, it has been my heightened support of the troops and knowledge of what they do for us. I have learned a lot over this last year, and don't intend to let that drop. While he may not have been what I thought he was, I do feel that knowing him has made me a better person.

Sometimes the path you take doesn't go where you expect, but the key is learning something positive from it.