September 06, 2005
Critical Mass
I went back to work today. It was a little strange...people acted a bit odd, and I wonder if honesty wasn't the best policy. Should I have just stuck with the 'flu' instead of telling them the truth - that diverticular disease decided to rise it's ugly head again?

One girl, the one I usually have lunch with seemed all shy and when I confronted her, she admitted she didn't want to have lunch because she felt bad I can't eat. I told her I would feel much worse if people started treating me differently. I guess it's just frustrating. I am not hiding what's wrong with me, although it's not a great conversation starter. I do try to keep it honest, yet discreet. But, truly, I think half the problem with Crohn's, DD, colitis and the like, is that it's one of those taboo topics. No one wants to hear about it and well, I don't like it much either, but I'd rather have something out in the open than questionable.

I am feeling a lot better, although still very tired. It will take time. This bout was nearly as bad as my week-long hospitalization in 2003 and it scares me, if I stop to think about it, that I will not get better. That this is with me for the long haul and will eventually require much more drastic measures. But I try not to stop to think about it...the time will come and I will deal with it then.

I am worried very much though about whether this hinders my chance at a full-time position at this place. The thought was bantied around, and they seemed pleased with my work, but given that they now know I have health problems, what is the chance now? But on the other hand, it is not optimal. The communication between departments is abyssmal and I am often left frustrated and annoyed. So I will just have to let the chips fall where they may.

As far as current news goes, I am at critical mass. I cannot, after nearly a full week of at least 12 hours a day, watching TV, live feeds and listening to scanners take more. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until I found myself watching stupid insipid comedies like 'Keeping Up Appearances' just to keep my mind straight. I've also read a 1200-page book in the last day and a half and am finding much relief in sticking my nose of a swashbuckling, 18th century adventure novel.

For me, the focus on the pets was almost too much. I was shocked at the children's stories, the tragedies of the families and so on, but seeing those near-starved pups dying on TV broke my heart. I have hugged Molly far too often these last few days, and promised never to leave her....even if she does drive me absolutely insane at times.

Ms. Thang had her first day at (pre)-school today. The first day without her mom or any family around her and well, she did just fine. The rest of us, we're not sure of though. I think the whole family held their breath for the 2 hours she was there. But she came out, pleased as all can be, for painting a picture all by herself. She didn't even seem to realize no one was there but her!

And with that, I'm back to my book.

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer, who looks forward to a better Canada. I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.
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